just tell him i said nine months
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
