I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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