I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I fill condoms, not promises.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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