Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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