What a fucking waste of an outfit
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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