I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
