My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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