i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
