We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
