did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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