I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
