Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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