She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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