Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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