I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
