so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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