Nicole vs. Life
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We need to rekindle our bromance
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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