Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
