Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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