DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
