I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
