I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
