I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
