brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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