Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
