all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
