..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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