My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
