I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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