peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
