Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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