Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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