The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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