sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
