What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
