I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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