insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
