he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
