i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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