My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
