I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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