My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
