Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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