just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
