he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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