once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Your shirt... Was in my pants
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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