Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I believe in your delicious
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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