I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
