I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
