How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
