you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
